Iron Man and Batman

Dancing walrus

Things I Have Learned from Children

• A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.
• If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
• A 3 year old child's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
• If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.
• If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan and tie it to a paint can, it does spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 room.
• You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
• When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
• A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
• The glass in windows (including double pane windows) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
• When you hear the toilet flush along with the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
• Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke (and lots of it).
• A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
• Certain Lego blocks will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.
• Play-Doh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
• Super glue is forever.
• No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
• Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
• VCRs do not eject sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
• Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
• Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
• You probably don't want to know what that smell is.
• Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
• Plastic toys do not like ovens.
• The fire department in my town has a 5 minute response time.
• The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
• The spin cycle on the washing machine does make cats dizzy, however.
• Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
• 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Kinder, Gentler Ways to Say Someone is Stupid

• The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
• A few clowns short of a circus.
• A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
• An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
• A few beers short of a six-pack.
• Dumber than a box of hair.
• A few peas short of a casserole.
• Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
• One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
• One taco short of a combination plate.
• A few feathers short of a whole duck.
• All foam, no beer.
• The cheese slid off his cracker.
• Body by Fisher - brains by Mattel.
• Has an IQ of 2, takes 3 to grunt.
• Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
• Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
• He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
• An intellect rivaled only by that of garden tools.
• As smart as bait.
• Chimney's clogged.
• Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
• Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
• Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
• Forgot to pay his brain bill.
• Her sewing machine's out of thread.
• His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
• His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
• If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
• Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
• No grain in the silo.
• Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse..
• Played football without a helmet.
• Receiver is off the hook.
• Several nuts short of a full pouch.
• Skylight leaks a little.
• Slinky's kinked.
• Surfing in Nebraska.
• Too much yardage between the goal posts.
• Strong, like Bear... Smart, like Tractor.

10 Clever Protest Signs